omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
