When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
