I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
