I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
