A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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