I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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