Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
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