so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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