then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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