Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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