hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize