South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
