he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize