I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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