and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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