Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
