So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
