I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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