We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
