I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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