I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
