first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Randomize
