Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
We talked him into tasing himself.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
