Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
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