I wish my penis had an off switch
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
