I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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