This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
