Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
should my penis look like a turkey
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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