K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
