He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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