White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
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