i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
