How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
