I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i came on her dog
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
