so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
