lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
