Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
