New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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