I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
