apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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