highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
