let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
