There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
