Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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