You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
