Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
