he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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