you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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