quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize