Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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