You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
