You're completely useless in the revolution.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
