Your dad touched me again.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
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