Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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