o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
