If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
