I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
