Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You are the jesus of drinking
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Randomize
