I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
