I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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