We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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