I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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