I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
we made out on top of his cat.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
