so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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