I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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