So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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