I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
