Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
