how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
