We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize