hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
We left the knife in your bed.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
