i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
