I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
