if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
