i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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