Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
